CHAPTER 4
My USA trip was almost finalized and I had to fly on 14th
Jan to Chicago. 4 months before, the situation was very different. I used to be
very excited about my onsite. But today, I had mixed feelings. I never thought
I will feel so bad. I started thinking if Sneha was the reason. When I first
met her, I honestly never thought she would be so important for me.
Since last few nights, she was very quiet. I knew she didn’t
want me to go but she wasn’t telling me. She badly wanted to stop me but didn’t
want to come between my career. Don’t know guys if this is a negative point or
a positive one, but she never spoke her mind out. I wanted her to stop me but
didn’t want to make her sadder. I decided to go to Delhi one day before flying
to Chicago, to spend some quality time with her.
12th January FB conversation:
Amit : Hi
Sneha: Hi (after 10 mins)
Amit : See even though I am going, you don’t have time for
me. (I know this sentence will provoke her to say something)
And here it was- Boom
!! Boom!!
Sneha: What do you think? Only you miss me? Only you love
me? Do you even know what I’m going through? Did you ever ask me before taking
this decision? Do you know for how many nights I haven’t slept? You don’t know
anything Amit
Amit : But you never told me these things..
Sneha: Oh plz .. Even before our relationship started, I
told u I am very very bad at expressing things. Sometimes you have to
understand. And somewhere I know I didn’t want you to go
And then I realized that yes, she had told me she is bad
with expressing things.
Amit : should I cancel my trip?
Sneha: No
Amit : are you sure ?
Sneha: Don’t you know whether I’m sure or not? You go and
sleep. You have a morning flight to catch.
Amit : wait Sneha …
Sneha: I’m sleepy. Gn.
I knew she was not sleepy but she didn’t want to discuss
more on the topic. I wanted to talk to her but did not want to upset her. We
closed the chat box. I was not at all excited. I could only see her every time
I tried to close my eyes. What should I do, I thought. I committed to my
company and was not in a situation to cancel anything now. I never thought I
would encounter such a situation in life.
Somehow I managed to sleep for a couple of hours and set for
Delhi next morning. Wanted to see Sneha badly, but was also scared to see her
sad face. After landing in Delhi, I got a call. It was Sneha. For the first
time, she had reached before me. She came to receive me.
As I walked close to her near arrivals, I could see she was
wearing my favorite dress. She had left her hair open. She had a nice earring.
I smiled and said, “Hi”. It did not take me even a second to figure out that
thought she smiled, her eyes were wet. I gave her a hug and said, “You look
stunning”. She passed a dull smile.
We started from the airport. All the while she was looking
outside the window. Usually otherwise, she used to look at me and talk about my
journey. I wanted to break the silence. I said, “hey look what happened to my
hand. See here”. She saw and said, “I know nothing happened. Please Amit. I’m
not in a mood to crack jokes.” She started looking out of the window again.
Suddenly, the driver applied brakes and she fell on me. He
almost hit a cycle guy and started shouting on him. I said “jaane do bhaiyya”. Then I lowered the
window and thanked the cycle guy for coming on the way. She smiled. Finally! So,
finally I started to discuss about her, Micky Di (her elder sister) and her
parents. She also asked about everyone at home. The conversation was on. For
the first time, we were going to a confined place.
We reached my favorite hotel…the same Holiday Inn. I asked
her to come with me but she denied. I quickly checked-in to my room, freshened
up and returned. When I returned, I saw tears in her eyes. But as she saw me
coming, she wiped them off and started to smile. Guys, let me tell you. You have to be lucky
to get a girl like this. She was hiding her pain for my happiness. It is a big
sacrifice, not everyone can do that.
I went close to her and said, “I can read your eyes. If you
want to cry, do it, I’m prepared”. She turned the other side. But she couldn’t
control. She held me and cried. I didn’t speak a single word. After 5 mins she
said, “hey, leave all this. Let’s forget it. Let’s focus on spending quality
time.”. We ordered coffee. My mind kept saying, “Ek baar bol do Sneha ki don’t go, I won’t go”.
After an hour, we went to have lunch. She had ordered
non-veg food for me. I was like, OMG! Sneha and non-veg! But I didn’t want to
eat it. I asked for the menu and said, “Aaj
aapki pasand ka”. As she liked palak paneer, she ordered it. After lunch, I
asked her if she can come to my room for some time. She agreed this time.
We went to my room. I sat on the bed while she sat on the
sofa. I asked her to sit comfortably as I was a good boy and won’t break her
trust. I asked her what gift she wanted from US. And here comes her statement:
“Jo chiz mujhe tumse dur jane pe mile, wo
cheez mujhe nahi chahiye” (If I’ve to go away from you to get something, I
don’t need that thing). I could not tell anything again. But I got up, took out
a gift from my suitcase and gave it to her. It was an iPhone. I always wanted
her to use an iPhone and also wanted to give her something before going. She
doesn’t accept gifts easily. She kept denying. It took me very very long to
convince her. I said, “If you ever loved me for a moment, please accept this”.
At last she did.
I pulled a chair and went closer to her. I wanted to see her
enough before going. I am generally strong but that day, tears started flowing.
My love got to know it. She said, “it’s just a few months. We are anyways getting
married. Then will never let you go like this.” I calmed. Then she got up and
checked my luggage to see if I had not missed anything. Sneha is a cutie pie.
She is a kid but also behaves responsibly and maturely sometimes.
She asked me to sing a song for her. I agreed on the
condition that after that, she will romance. She said she doesn’t know how to, but will try. I started first:
“ kitna hoon betaab main
Aankhon se aankhe mila ke chura loon tere khwaab main
Mere saaye hain saath mein yaara jis jagah tum ho
Main jo jee raha hoon
Wajah tum ho.. wajah tum ho.. ”.
Aankhon se aankhe mila ke chura loon tere khwaab main
Mere saaye hain saath mein yaara jis jagah tum ho
Main jo jee raha hoon
Wajah tum ho.. wajah tum ho.. ”.
She praised my song and said wish, she could come with me.
Then I reminder it is her turn now. She started laughing. For the whole day,
this was the first time she was laughing this way. All this while, she was
coming close or going far from me. I finally pulled her towards me. She became
serious. And here comes one of the most memorable moments of our lives:
I said, “You also love me very much, but you won't say that
... you'll wriggle without me but you won't show that ... you want to come to
me, you want to hug me and cry, you want to stay in my heart but you won't stay
... but I'm not like you ... I can't live without saying that I love you…”
She replied saying, “I don’t know how to romance, but yes I
can say whatever I feel …..Sometimes I can’t see myself when I’m with you. I
can only see you. I saw a boy just like
that ... one shine and I lost my heart ... I think I am completely in love with
that boy... now there is only one wish ...that I want to stay in his heart . I
don’t know Amit how I will live without you. Please come soon. Someone is
waiting for you like a mad person.”
For the first time she spoke this way. I was wondering if it
was really the Sneha I knew. I was stoned. I was on cloud nine. I felt like
kissing her. I held her hand and said I can’t live without her and would come
back soon. I saw her lips closely. She doesn’t need a lipstick, she already has
nice lips. I said, “ek dark handsome ladka, ek so so ladki, akele, ek room pe, tumhe
kuch kuch ho raha hai kya?” (A dark handsome boy, with an ok ok looking girl,
alone in a hotel room…are you not feeling something). And she replied, “I am
not so romantic, and anyways I don’t see any handsome boy in this room J I
was like, oh, she can crack jokes too!
I asked her if I can kiss her. She said only after marriage.
I agreed and hugged her. I went near her ears and whispered, “I can’t control”.
I kissed her ears. She didn’t react but I could feel her heavy breath. I went
ahead and kissed her cheeks. She kept her eyes closed. I asked her to open her
eyes but she didn’t. She didn’t speak too. I held her face. We were just
millimeters away. We could feel each other’s breath. She opened her eyes. I
took permission to touch her lips with my eyes. She agreed. And I touched her lips with my lips. She realized it was going too far, and she suddenly pushed me
aside. It was awesome moment. I can’t explain this in writing. We spent a nice
time together.
Now, it was time for her to go. My flight was at 3am from
terminal 3. Sneha had convinced her Micky di and her husband to accompany her
midnight to see me off in the morning. Her eyes were wet. I hate seeing my
loved ones cry. I said, “If you do like this…..”. She stopped me in between and
said, “Khushi ke aansu hain”. I went
to drop her. She was quite and just kept looking at me. I asked her to say
something and she only said, “kya kahu”.
I dropped her near her place and said bye.
I came back to my hotel. While coming back, there were many
questions running in my mind. Should I really go? Will long distance relationship
affect us adversely? I came back and tried to a nap. The 18 hours journey was
going to be really long. But I was unable to sleep. Only Sneha was running in
my mind. I was not able to imagine her sad face. I tried chatting with her but
she forced me to sleep.
At 1am, I got a call from Sneha. She, with her sister and
brother-in-law, was waiting outside my hotel. I quickly freshened up and left
with my luggage. She had also booked a cab. While Micky di and her husband went
in their own car, Sneha came with me. Thanks to her di for providing us the
required privacy. I held her hand. She kept her head on my shoulder.
She asked
whether everything is in place like my passport and stuff. She asked me to have
proper food there in US. She told me to take care and to sleep on time. She
told me everything which a caring wife says. Her words made me forget that she
is still my girlfriend, and not my wife.
I also told her not to work till late night and to have
proper lunch daily. I also requested her to come on Skype daily.
Then came the most difficult part of the day. Time to say
good bye to each other. I got down from the car. Micky di had also reached. I
was just not able to move towards the departures entry. I spoke to Micky Di.
She said, “my sweet sis is waiting for you here. Don’t forget that….and come
soon to take her with you.” I said, “bas
yun gaya aur yun aaya.”
Now it was her turn. I mean, my love Sneha’s turn. She
couldn’t speak a single word. She just said “bye, take care”. I held her hand
and assured her I’ll be back soon. We said bye to each other – and I walked
towards the departures. I turned back to see her once…she was crying. Her
sister tried to console her. I came back running and hugged her. I said, “ok
fine, I won’t go”. She said, “Please Amit. Please go you will run late. If you
stay any longer, I’ll keep crying.” I left. I kept thinking why I was going..
What is the fun when you are not happy? I decided to come back in a couple of
months.
I got a message pop-up:
Sneha: Don’t go
Amit: I will come soon my love
Sneha: All the best. Love you.
Amit: I love you too. To meet and depart is the way of life.
But to depart and meet is the hope of life. Bye.


